if i have some problem of my spirit...how?

think go to the clubbing...
go have some beer untill i'm drunk...
than i can release all my unhappy by the beer...
damn feel myself have some problem...
because the july(ghost months) make me feel wrong??
always..feel have somebody are standing behind me...
when i turn bck my head...nothing there...
scared....
when i bathing...i also will close the toilet seat...
i scared after i close my eyes...n opens my eyes...
i gotta see someone behind me...
so scared...
y i will becum like this??
i didn't dare to tells others...include my mum...
damn feel stress...

i re-block them again...
i think i can b strong.....
originally,i can't do it...
It turns out to be a fraud....the fraud to lies mysef...
5months ago...damn still feeling no good...
all is ends...what still make me have hopeness...
i feel myself..damn different than before...
now, i love to seat as alone n listen the music...
n looking for the sky...n have a deeply breathe...
i like to see the funny movie ,picture,n videos to cheer up myself..
izit i'm already  be mature??
but, when  face my ipoh franz...n my family..i feel so happy...
thats was only way  make me feel happy...
actually, i damn wished..we all ever chg...
but,i know it..it's impossible...so that...
everybody are changers...include me...

i'm b the one that so thrift....
before,i will have some rice before i'm working...
now, i just have some cookies or bread before i'm working..
the cookies just need $3dollars..can eat 2 times...
so one day...i just have use..between $5 dollars...
now...my OCBC bank have $2000 ...
i will send $1500 bck to ipoh to my parents...
thats my hard earn money...
actually...i think to have some new arrival of apple...
something likes...Ipad2..or Iphone4...
actually,i already enough money to get them...
but...i  know the situation of my home...
i gv up for it...
damn.................
but,i swear!..before i get bck to ipoh i will have it...

keep on going to cheer me up...
GAMbateh~~!