sorry for someone...
对不起...虽然不懂你会否看见我这篇blog...
但,其实我心里有很多话想告诉你...
谢谢你成为了我生命里...难忘的一个人...
不是故意把你从facebook删掉...
只是觉得你说的真的很对...我不应该去伤害别人...
因为,我根本没有那个资格去伤害任何爱我的人...
但,我很庆幸...我不会伤害到我现在的这位男朋友...
因为...他也不爱我...而是单纯的喜欢我这个人而已...
删除你...也是避免你再受伤害...
对不起...给了你那么大的阴影...
对不起...我伤害了你...
对不起...分手了还烦你...让你听我的事...
我很愿意用行动去补偿...然而我觉得我做得更多...
说得更多也只会伤你更多更多...
我清楚地明白...不管我说多少句的''对不起''...
不管我说我多内疚...也补偿不了什么...
唯一能做的...就是让你忘记我这个伤害你的人...
彻底的退出你的生活圈子...还你快乐...
我的喜怒哀乐....我的悲伤...我的烦恼...
也不会在打扰你了...你可以快乐的过每一天...
谢谢你一路以来...都给我那么多的支持...
我真的很内疚伤害了一个对我那么好的你...
我们以前的回忆...就让它随着时间去...
我这个坏女孩不值得你因为她而让你停留在原地...
别再回想了...别仅仅活在过去而错过了身边某些值得你去珍惜的人和物...
加油!!!我知道...以你的能力...能创造自己生命里的花火...




this is another section...
回到了一个人的生活...很少人和我聊天...
即使聊天...也只是说些普通的...
客人说什么我也只是笑笑的应酬一下下...
赶快过完这两个月吧...让我再回家休息多2个礼拜...
其实我很想回bercham找工作...再考个执照...
可是...那边人工的价钱和新加坡
真的是天与地的相比...回去就给不了爸爸妈妈那么多了...
人工也折半了...可是至少回去的话...
我的人会变轻松些...可以天天看到我的家人...
回家也能帮轻妈妈做些家务...
爸爸也不用那么的担心...
我不想向我朋友的妈妈那样....说走就走了...
我还没看够我的爸妈的样子...
我不是诅咒我的爸妈...而是今天不知明天事...
就像我自己一样...也不懂哪天走出街就碰上了意外...
我很想靠自己的能力去证明我爸妈也以我为荣...
即使我不是读书的料...
尽管我什么专业人士都不是....:)


小时候...总很讨厌爸爸妈妈管东管西的...
总觉得为什么我做每件事情他们都有意见...
现在....想天天听他们念我也难了...
我又想家了...
想念妈妈煮的菜....其实很感动...
其实那天初六晚上...走的时候...我又想哭了...
但是我不能...也许我爱脸吧...
我希望他们看到已经长大了的我...不会为了小事而哭了...
谢谢妈妈在我出发以前给我准备了大餐...
丰富的火锅...:)

wow~~!it's look so nice..:)

mwahahaha...at the last...we also can't to solve all of this...

lol.....

姐姐买的捞鱼生...我不吃的...

可我就是喜欢凑热闹...跑去捞一捞...

包我永世不用''咋兜''...哈哈哈哈...

这位佳丽就是我家的大姑娘...

在那边准备鱼生...还给我叫了一声...

''给点pose来好窝...''

而她回头就给了我一个''V''....==

饭后甜品...榴莲!!!!还是和家人一起吃这个臭臭又好吃的果王啦...

这是我家的二姑娘...哈哈...

的空到没事干...来个榴莲合照...

搞笑到~~~~~

快乐时光就是过的那么的快...

就那么样的....过了...

我抱着希望...渡过所有的困难...绝望..失望...

谢谢爱我的每个人....:)

#actually...我是一个外表说无所谓...不在乎...

其实心里是心疼到极点....

是笨是蠢...是软弱...

因此我想再坚强些...谢谢你们...爱我的每个人..:)

haiz///

时间似箭...倒数了九个月..

好不容易..才到这一天...

回家的感觉...真的是'''无比的好'''...

温暖的床..有着属于我味道的抱枕..

盛了一碗又一碗的白饭...嘴里嚼着妈妈煮的饭菜..

真是甜到''进心进肺的咯''...=v=

 哈哈哈哈...

谢谢大家...回到来这里...只有一天会想他...

阿莹说的对...我应该变聪明点..

应该做个让男人渴望拥有和喜欢靠近的女生...

那不是花心...不是水性杨花...而是寻找一种属于自己的魅力...

有时候真的真的很羡慕她...

羡慕她总是那么的自信...

羡慕她拥有那张漂亮的脸孔...

羡慕她总是可以那么的坚强...

羡慕她可以对每件事都那么坚定...

羡慕她很多很多...着也是为什么我喜欢和她做朋友的原因...

也许...我身边发生的一切...

只因为...我不够成熟...

对,就是因为这样...我喜欢的人...才会一个一个的离开我..

丢下我...我真的那么让你们讨厌?

我真的那么的不值得被爱...

也许..容易得到的...男人越不珍惜...

我想彻底的改变...不懂我还有没有哪个机会///

即使要我当个老姑婆...我不怕...

没有男人我不会死...我只想当个坚强的我...

遇到事情...不会畏惧...不会犹豫的我...

希望我可以创造属于我的世界...

回来了..才知道..原来有很多和我同校同年的女生都 结婚了...

@.@lol...如果是我///

不管发生什么事情我也不想那么早结婚咯...

我世界未看完...也还没带我爸妈去过旅行...

还没有环游世界几趟...还没去过JJ的演唱会...

事业没有进步...

没有见过明星...没有和明星拍过照...还有很多很多 ..

才不会就这样甘心的嫁出去了..=v=

那些人真笨...haizzzz..@.@

今天和我最好最好的朋友去jusco看电影了..

``啊炳``...

 

 这部戏让我笑翻了...哈哈哈 ...

你看了就知道为什么我会这么说了...:)

baobao也请了我吃secrest recipe...

哈哈哈 ..有史以来.,..她很少请我吃东西...

因为她总是钱不够用...今天真是荣幸...

很久没见..所以她经常把手放在我肩膀...

害我被人误会我是她女友....lol...不要笑死我咯 ...XD

她有这么我这么漂亮的女友也是她的荣幸咯...

我们只是很亲密的好好朋友..:)

不过很开心...聊了很多很多..始终觉得不够...=v=

今天还买了一双高跟鞋....yeepee!!

第一次买那么高的...不要跌倒才好啊...

 

久违了朋友...``超久没有和你一起hanging out...

实在.....!!有很多话想说...

多希望我们就这样...保持这样的关系直到我们老去...

=v=....

 我和我的二姐...因为考试..读书的关系...瘦了..:)

不懂是好事还是坏事....

加油加油!!我对你有信心...

在我心里...你 是最棒的...也是我们三姐妹中最会念书的一个...

要保持笑容..^^

我表妹(Chi cheng teong)和我 ...剪了一个新发型...感觉自己又更加年轻了..

哈哈哈...也好..不想别人以为我老那么快...:)

 我2表妹和我....很久没和他们走街了..

和小孩子逛街有点不同...

感觉自己也变了小孩子一样....=v=

lol....我想再变成熟些....

 lol..3大美女???weewit!!!

 哈哈哈...不过时间过那么久全都变了...

变漂亮了...大过女了...:)

*it's time to change myself....thinking about my future..

yeepee!!^^
going home tonite after finish my working...
feeling excited..:)
mummy..daddy...sis...bro...my dear dear friends...
my dear mummy keya...my dear babi bao cai...
i'm BACK!!!


mwahaha..
can going gai gai vf u all ler....
long time didn't see u all...:)


whether how happy i have right now...
i also...have many....unhappy else...
ofcause..all the unhappy things...
is come from him...
today...i got review the wedding video again...
the character is him and his wife...
i'm a idiot...always try to hurt myself...
but...i can't control my self..
because...i can't control the curious i have...
i think to know...
me and his wife...which is his most love...
ofcause i know the answer..
but...i always...think to find the answer that i wished..
and always crying after review that video...
haiz...
he contact me ady yesterday...
just a short msg...
but..i'm no greedy...for me thats enough...
it's real...it's truth...


i have to know...he won't love like he love his wife...
i always can't replace her...in his heart...
no matter what she done to him...
no matter she is a lesbian now...
he still love her...it's a truth...
it's time to go..Js...
he won't be yours forever...
dun pay any expectation for it...
u will be hurt...!!


-是时候狠下心来....不要再那么不要脸的去请求男人爱自己..
-不要再去要那乞求回来的爱了...

----16th jan 2012----

这是一个很难挨...很难过的一天...

从12nd那天到今天为止...

''他''....没有主动给过我一通电话...

或是sms给我...

i'm fucking upset....

在这几天也哭了无数次....

每一次,我都告诉自己...别乱想...

''他''只是比较忙...没时间恢复你的信息和电话..

我累了...我哄自己哄到累了...

为什么我要让自己那么累??

我真的......喜欢上他了....

就像喜欢文豪一样那么喜欢''他''....

每一天都在担心他工作会被烫伤...

担心他会不会吃到酸辣的东西...

搞到肚子疼...我好想你...却不敢说出口...

害怕...只是我自作多情...

其实,我不贪心....我只想听见你的声音...

短短几分钟也可以了...

如果真的真的很忙...再忙...两天发一封信息总可以吧??

让我的心安定下来...可惜...你没有...

你说我们之间没什么聊了...

难道因为这样所以你就不接我的来电了??

每次像个白痴一样...拿着手机等待你的来电..

往往只等到一场空...

也许我们之间没话题...是我的错...

我抱歉...以后我会努力的找话题...

你老是说...你很忙...也许忙到让我可以乱幻想...

我幻想??我也希望我想象的不是真实的...

你说你工作很大压力....

那我呢...??别以为我帮亲戚做工没有压力...

可是我能怎样...之前..只要一想到你...

我就很有精力的去做得更好...一想到你...

我的心情就很轻松...

我稀罕因为我们之间因为那件事所以你内疚..

你觉得对不起我而同情我而和我一起...

真的不需要...与其那样...我宁愿...我自己离开你...

如果你和你老婆要复合...我不会当那个绊脚石...

我会成全你...!

我知道自己也可以像上次那样...

可以放开...虽然需要点时间...

我决定了...找一天...我会和你说清楚...

和你分手...那你就可以...很专心的去面对你那份那么压力的工作...

我这个烦人会走出你的世界...不会再靠近一步...

谢谢你给了我这几个月的美好日子...

*其实....我真的改变很多了...

-却没有人懂,一直以为我是个小孩子..

我只是喜欢装傻...什么都装不懂...

因为我不想烦那么多...不想知道那么多...

-对于感情也一样...我不希望自己把你绑得紧紧的...

让你呼吸不过来...所以我不多问你工作的事情...

-我不希望你觉得我会乱乱想...

所以我假装不在乎你和你老婆还睡在一起...

-我不希望你觉得我不在乎你...

所以每一天一定问你吃饱没有...

怕你因为减肥而不吃东西搞到胃痛...

-有人说,喜欢不用天天说出来让人知道...

只要心里有彼此就可以了...

-有人说..你为对方做得事情..不用说出来...

因为是出于真心的..也许对方也感觉得到...

-但,我做得..你感觉到吗?真的很想知道...

playing the music on again..=v=...

that's fucking nice that i enjoy the music...

recently...i fall in love to the E-pop...

woohoo!!!

that's melody are making me feel good...

whatever i have many worries...

or whatever...after i listen the music...

i can feel more easy...

thanks god...thanks ''ludwig van Beethoven''...

thanks u made out this kind of things...:)

more 6days...

everyday that i repeat to coutdown the date...

hehe...already stay expect 9 months ago...

finally...the date i waiting is coming soon...

but..what i will continue after this?

the UM is opening the applocation to us...

izit i can get the pass from the school???

@.@...lol......worry...worry....

if can't what i should do??

mamamia...whos can give me some good opinion?

if can't ...choose other subject for study??

but no heart...how i can get the great result??

fashion ?? make up?? hairstyling?? acountant??

lol...think come think go...i only think to be a nurse..

fxxk off...==...

what matter i want??

i have to discover....

most people are no compassion in the society...

but...it's no wonder...becoz...some of the old man/women...

they expoit the sympathetic that we have and cheat..

that's why i always say...

this community so terrible and horror...

at the first that i coming here [singapore]...

i feel the people that selling tisu are so poor...

everyday walk and walk...

and earn the money by themself..

feelilng poor for them...==

but...at the last..

they are the bad and bad...

i dunno how to describe the bad they have...

finally...i feel i am fucking idiot...

because i trust them...==

i'm fucking busy today...
i think i will working untill crazy...==
tired!!! tired!!! and tired!!!
but...whatever how tired i have...
also...can't slp...everytime i slp...
also will get the same nightmare...
haiz....whats wrong to me ??


let show the picture ..
''what the effect from this job''

my finger nails is spoiled...

i lost my beauty hand...

dry and pain...

no one will know how tired ...

after i getting here...

izit really is a 18 years ols girl's hand??

it's just look like my grandma hand...

==...how can i make this illness be better??

god....pls help me...

can i get nack my ''lenq'' hand...

still have 6 days more...:)

long time i'm expect...

finally...it's coming soon..hehe...:目

hey guys!!! pls remember me...

and stay expect to me ...:)..thanks a lot..

* ''我只为了我自己而活下去...其他的我不在湖''

playing the music and pay attention to writing my blog..
have a long time didn't come here and leave my mood..
and my own story that happen to me recently...
.............................................................
argh...i'm damn busy arount in this few weeks...
non-off day..==...it's fucking tired...
but...i'm still no die yet...
i wanna going back and take a look for my parents and ...
my dear friends!!!^^
suddenly ...i discover my english got little bit improve...
mwahaha...some customer also praise me...
wow...girl ...ur english is very good...
==...actually...i just only can speak the simple one...
if ur guys speak more hard one...
then i will feel bler bler already...
well,whatever...i will keep to improving my language..


yesterday,i heard a bad news from my friends...
candy's mother is pass away...
when i heard this news...
i feeling sad...even i never saw her mother before...
i can feel her feeling...
candy....gambateh...dun be give up...
we're always give u the unlimit support ...
anything is getting back to the beginning...
so that,it was another new life to you...
keep strenght...:)...i love you friends...
you are not alone...


more one weeks...
i can going back to my home...
argh...and that...
my sister help me register the application from the school already..
60% hope i can get the school...
40%i will miss him...i think to stay...
but...izit he think like this also??
he always say he busy recently...
busy?fine...i no need u call me and chat one hour..
only few minutes also can...
and..i just think to get a message from you...
just say..i'm reach home...and going to slp soon...
gudnite...thats it...
thats simple...right??
why for you...that was a impossible mission??
damn feeling hurt...
i have a nightmare yesterday morning...
sudden discover...u are not love me as real...
i'm just a toy...that u playing when u feeling alone...
and yesterday i ask you...are you really love me..
no reply...damn damn feeling hurt...
i just think to get a answer...
even it's just a lies...but u didn't say anything to me...
is that means u not love me...
the one u love still is ur wife...
why i'm so stupid??
why i wanna to be a idiot becoz of u??
pls....if u dun love me...just tell me...
dun like my x bf...
it's fxxking heartache!!!
i hate that feel!!


sudden.........feel moody.....
think to crying......:(

still have 11 days more...
then...i can get back to my home...
expect in everyday...expect go home almost 9 months ago...
not i'm overstated...that's really...
i have to face many problem over here...
may be...our life should have many difficult mission...
then can make our life be more meaningful...
actually...what is the significance the human being?
what we being for the  purpose of?
recenlt...my mind is keep thinking about my own trouble...
argh....get off!!
can i just simplify my world...??
i felt tired...izit everybody also have their own trouble...
after they walk in to this cruel community?
but,why some of the ppl...
can buy the famous brand...??
no fair...@.@...i wanna too...
so why i just think a right way...
for my future...haizz.z...
but...what can i do??

it's fucking busy recently...
almost can't breathe...==...
i'm gonna die soon...
not feeling exhausting...is tired...
everytime i'm wake...
i feeling boneache in my every part of my body..
lol...it's not easily to earn the money...


erm...but this busy life can help me forget the trouble as temporary...
at least...my mind can relax in a moment...
i felt so happy...because...
many customer praise me...:)


they say:
''wow...ur brain is too good..''
''how come u can remember all the drinks we oder?''
''got any skill?''


i say:
''huh??...:)...''
''hehe...no any skill...''
''only can say...i have a great brain..''



they laugh...i laugh...
i love this feel...
it can make me feel relax a bit...
working whole day...just only have a bread...==

when i'm back...
mama n baba sure will say...oops...
u become more thin than before''again''...
@.@....how can i answer them??
not i always on diet...just...
i din have the enough time to have my meal..
not only me...my aunt and uncle also dun have having their meal...
sudden, i have to detect...the singaporian is crazy...==
already 2-3a.m. still coming to having their ''xiiu ye''...
mother fxxker bitch...
i hate them..make us can't close the store...


recently....feel faint...
the problem of my family haven't disscuss...
and the problem are increasing...
god.....!! all of us is a family...
why u all should be like this...
family didnt means the peace meh??
pls la....can u all give me feel relieved in the SG..??
i will worries man...
why u always dun know how to growing up??
i know my sis is lie.....
my mother is right...
my mum never say the word that she didnt hear before..
argh...damn !!!! fxxk!!!
someone can come and listening my complaine..??

countdown 15 days more from now...
everyday just countdown the date that i going back...
i decided!! i wanna dye a ''red'' hair..:)
just think too look sharp and fresh...
new style...and get a ''fake hair''...hoho..^^
guys...when i'm coming back u all will feel i'm different..:)
because i'm not the childish ''Js'' anymore...
stay expect for it...
recently...work as smooth...
no scolding by them..no any complaine from them..
i love this feel...i just wanna like this only..
it's simple...anything i do wrong u just tell me...
i will redo...dun just gossip me at my back...
thq...because both of u...let me know everything...
thx a lot!!!


in this month...got many ''tauke'' come from other store...
told me...i'm look so passion for my working...
think to hire me to be their staff...
some is cashier...some is waitress...
faint..@.@...sorry jess...i just think to finished this job as soon...
then i can leave...
i think to study...
ofcause have something else make me...
hesitate...
but...i should know that...
he wont be mine...never..
last time i just ask him...izit still live in yew tee vf his wife...
he told me...
''y u ask like this..?
got what meaning...?''
and i say:''nothing i just asking...(think to explaine)''
he say'''not...i ask u ...u ask like this got what meaning''
i angry and say:''i ask also cannot meh? then next time i din ask again lor..''
both vf us is silence...
feel hurt...damn hate myself...
y i will love this man??
izit i can no feeling to my boyfriends sleep vf others gals?
izit i should just keep no comment vf that?
ok! fine! i know...ur economy no good...
so ...u can leave that place in temporary...
ok..i appreciate to you...
can u care my feelings???
i'm a human man...i have feeling...i have to feel hurts...
can u dun treat me like that..??
everytime i ask u...izit miss me...
and u just say...''你说呢?''
and i say:''sure u have..''
after that...u dun have reply me...
what that means...??
i always ask myself...y i should love as difficult in mylife?
the word of ''love''...it's can't alive and being in my own life..
may be single will better for me...


why you always dont know how expect i think to heard u say...
''i miss u too''/''i love you..:)''/''gudnite,my dear''
just only the simple word...
can make me expect whole day...
always looking to my phone...
but no any message...
everytime i heard the ringtone is on...
i look it...it's not ur message...
feel sad....before i break vf u...
i think we can have our own memory...
after that...i can feel ...
at least...我们曾经拥有过...


the new years is near...
many paper say...this is the end of the year for this earth...
izit really??
if that...i think to die vf my family....
because i clearly...the family is most important in mylife..
when i face the trouble ...the first appear in my mind is ..''family''...
thx mother u born me...
thx father u make me...:P
thx sister u protect me...
thx brother u always bully me...
all of you gv me the wonderful childhood...!!


*i din do to see the poor old women or man appear in front me...
 because they will make me feeling to cry...==

yeepee...happy new years...:)
more 19 days...then i can bck my warmy home..:)
in this month...really have a big change between me and my classmate..
all is change become beauty and handsome...
all is change become strangers...:(
include me...
sometimes just feel confused...
i always ask myself...everyone is walk ahead for their dream..
how about u??
just only earn money?? and looking for the famous brand..
such like..prada..timberland?? SK??Gucci?? puma??
isn't i say i want make my life be more meaningful and better than before?
but....now....i gotta to for it??
it's nothing right??argh...
faint...
i also have my own problem..
family...future...my dream...my lover...my franz...
family...something is happen between my elder sister and my mom..
oh pls, sis...do u know how much ur parent love you?
if they're not worry about you...not care about you...
they will no speak it out one word...
pls...don't everything just trust ur boyfriend...
that's your mum...u din trust your mum..??
if that...what the means of a mother..??
what the value that your mother have??
izit nothing?? if that...i will hate you...
when you talk pls think clearly...
i'm your small sister..also can mature then u...
why u can't??
izit u think just only RM6000 then can get marry..that's enough?
like this then u can feel perfectly contented??
u never jealous other people can wear a beautiful wedding dress??
u never jealous other girls...can get blessing from everyone..??
pls think clearly...ok??


my dream....
what i can do for it??
nobody are understand me...
nobody know what i want...
sister say...this school not easily can sucess to approve from the school...
haizzzz...:(
last day..boon heng intro a girl to me...
she is 20 years old...(this year)...
she is beutiful girl...
i'm be honored to know her as a franz...
but..:(...the word she say..let me feel hurt...
i know...my SPM result...not very good...
i know...my math not very good too...
but...i can try my hard to through all the examination or assignment...
i swear...if i can...i will try all my best and best...
becoz...i just think to prove ...i can do it...
i can do it........can u dun just despise me??


future....
if i really can't success to get in the school...
i think i will back ipoh...
get a part-time and go get a license...
after i get the license...
''may be''...just ''may be''...
i will go ask xiao wen and be sales...
if can't...may be will back Singapore again...
be a cashier or what matter...:(
still dunno what i gonna do right now...
haizzzzzz...faint!!!


friends...
recently...i got heard a bad news...
that is...candy's mum just left few days live...
i know...she is sad...she is very very unhappy...
because that is her mother...
but...she still need keep to working...
feel poor to her...:(
think to get her a console...but...
i din smart to console people...
i'm sorry candy....i dunno what can i say...
and i dunno what i can do for you...
but...if u want to find someone to talk...
just find me...
left message in my fb mailbox...also can...
i must reply yours...
whatever what happen...pls...still keep smile after sad...
god bless you....``