今天的我...依然是才从前的我??

今天和我妈妈(kim keya)聊电话了~~
原来整人很好玩~~
哈哈哈~~
很多人不能认出我的声音了~~
除了我的爸爸妈妈~~
和我老豆(燕霖) 和我死党包包能认得出是我呢~~
我跟每个朋友去都在保持联络的~~
每一天都打给不同的人~~去跟他们问候~~
哈哈~~我可爱的朋友们~~
感觉离开你们很久了~~
想念你们的感觉又来了~~看回我们去sunway的照片~~
去KL的照片~~老人院的照片~~
一起走街的照片~~
一点一滴的浮现在脑子里~~
超级想你们的~~在你们当中最小孩的我已经向着我的理想前进了~~
你们也要加油哦~~

每个朋友都做/读不同的东西~~
见面时又有很多给我学了~~
yea~~XD
开心~~其实我很想很想~~回去bercham的~~
可是我一回去不工作了~~
一定会被人当话柄了~~
所以必须争气啊~~><
即使多辛苦也要撑下去~~

啊米告诉我说~~
同样的事~做错一次就够了~~
不要错第2次~~
同样的...同一个人被伤一次就够了~~
不要被伤第二次~~
她说得很好~~的确如此~~
所以我会离那个曾经被我伤害过的人远远的`~
不再伤害他了~~那他就能开心的把我忘记~~
过着属于他自己的生活~~
同样的~~
我会离伤害我的人更远更远~
因为我觉得自己值得好好的过~~
让这混蛋滚出我的世界~
4，5年的友情全还给时间~~
生气不能改变什么~~
只有争气的活着才能证明自己没了男人不是不行的~~

以前的我看帅哥~~
随口就给他盖上了靓仔的盖印~~
现在我连那些帅到爆灯的男生只看两眼就转身走人~~

现在我最爱的只有一个~~
就是音乐~~
可是我的梦想啊~~
何时何日能达成啊~~??
走在街上看着别人拿着一把属于自己的吉他~~
看到都羡慕~~
不过我知道！我也有那么的一天~~
拿着属于我的吉他到处走走~~

感觉有很多东西想买哦~~@.@
想买衣服，包包，鞋子...
化装品，耳环，首饰...
又想剪头发~~又想染头发~~
哈哈~~好多好多的想哦~~
这以上的都会实现~~不过需要时间~~
XD~~

下星期二是休假~~
决定好自己一个到处走走去了~~
去图书馆看看书~~
也许能呆上好几个小时吧~~
就当温一温书吧~~~
哈哈哈~~

刚拿到了一张720$的支票~~
两个星期而已就拿到那么多了~~
我买屋子的梦想离我很远吗??
应该不会吧~~
两年的时间！我要存到有马币十千！
这是我最终的目标~~
该好好的规律规律了~~@.@
faint~~

damn missing my family...n my franz...

sometimes...i will give them a call...
but they r feel so surprise why i will contact them...
it just easy man...
because i miss you all what...haha...
it's really... missing u alll...
missing the day that we chating n gossip at the school...
when we got the examination...
we all b the copy cat...
haha...
always asked the answer from other...
it's damn like a adventure...
i like that feel...

i missing the soup that cook by my mum...
whatever have a auntie always cook the soup for me...
i always feel...it no good than mum's...
hahaha...
think to back bercham...
but i need to strive...
i can't easy to gv up for it...
so that...continue to my busy life...

this few day...
i learn how to get the MRT...
at begin...i think it's so hard...
but now...i feel it's easy...
hahaha...
so i decided...the next holidays...
i won't go jb with them...
stay here...and go to the library get somes books...
just alone may b feel more free...
i love...listen the music while walking...
so enjoy it..XD...

actually...
still feel...have something in my heart but...
but i can't release it...
why i have this feeling?
does i something wrong with my mind...
and i will feel so unhappy...
while i'm working...
feel so many stress..
watever i do how good...
how excellent...
they still have more required...
always say my response so slow...
say i'm no enough clever...
they dunno it so hurt...
i dun have chating with other...
i just standing there n wait the customer have a own seat...
then i will forward n ask the drinks...

ok!fine!
i put up with!
i always keep doing like this...
but have a one day...
i really beh tahan...
please dun blame me...is u force me...


recently...
i keeping see have many uncle is sleep at the road side at the singapore...
singapore is a good place...
so modern...so advanced...
but..it's really dun have the human touch...
always blame the old parent's n dun want them...
just let them go...
wat the fxxk of this social?
izit they noe it they is thier parents...
i hate to see the poor uncle or auntie...
i will got a feel so hurt...
i think to help them...
but i'm can't...what can i do?
if one day...
i have many money...
i will build a building for the ols parents n gv them some help..
this was b my next next dream...
when i;m free...
i think i can b volunteer also...
gambateh!

我真的看开了吗?

不想在有那么一次机会想起那个人...

我突然很讨厌他...

因为...什么?? 我也不懂....

朋友?? 我们不再是...

同班同学?? 已经是过去式...

我久不久都是test下自己对看到他的状态...

他和她的合照...会是什么感觉...

已经看到...竟会流到满脸泪水...

现在，看到不已为然...

是那本书开解了我吗??

其实，最好的报仇方法是活得比他好...

比他快乐...

爱情?? 我暂时不需要...

我需要的是朋友...和那个一直关心着我...

care我的人...

生气不如争气...与其不开心...和憎恨一个人...

不如让自己用那些力气去创造属于自己的火花....

越憎恨越生气一个人...代表他在自己心中有着重要的位置...

要从生命里delete掉一个人~

并不是不可能的...只是在于自己的选择...

明知道不可能的就别再执著...

别往死角里啭...那样会让自己走上绝路...

我想作到对自己的要求...

虽然很难...很遥远...

但是，我希望我可以..

因为我是射手座的人...要开朗...

不想在掩饰什么了...我就是我...

应该越挫越勇才对...

这一刻，我决定的事...将如铁一般硬！

明白人生中，不会有一条直率的康庄大道在等着自己...

也明白，人，并不是个个都一样对自己真心...

需要学会如何看清一个人...

即使认识了4，5年的朋友...

瞬间成了密友，也从密友变回了陌生人...

那才明白，人心很险恶...

朋友和家人才是能永远的人物...

really feel alone...

today...

sudeenly...he is occur in my mind again...

izit he got the magic?

how/why he can make me love...n miss him so much?

damn!! i'm begin to hate myself...

everytime say let it go...dun review the old memory..

but...haizz...

why i will bcum like this??

actually...after,we separate...i noe...

i should b stronger...n end the tears...

or beginning my own life...izit i'm used to b dependence other...

so make myself b so weak...

i can't feel warm at here...almost feel myself got some problem of my mind...

when i face the mirror...i will talk with myself...

even...i will crying...

what wrong with me?? what i wanna to do now??

what i want? what i need?? i dun know....

izit i over alone? feeling bad over??

i got the pressure??

now...what i have th secret that can't tell anyone...

i just looking for the moon...the star...n the dark sky...

just like talk with myself...ask myself...n answer myself...

actually...i noe i should b live more better then him...

more happy then him...but i dun noe...

why i can't do that...

now...when i'm nervous...my mind is empty...

i trying to do better at the work..

but i always let them feel disappoint to me...

n feel i'm so lazy...

but i just trying to do better...i no need have many money of my salary..

just need a chance to let me show my potential...

they ever noe...that is make me feel more Inferiority...

this society...not evryone also can tell them all my mind...

alone..is so hard...what can i do?

should i can wake up??

haiz...really feel i have some problem in my mind...

suddenly feel happy...suddenly feel unhappy...

what going on with me.....

i have to say...no matter is can't use the time to let it go...

now...i feel...

no matter is can't use the time to forget it...

it's just the different that the way you have to do...

n the decided u make it...

i no feeling when i see his status...

his sweet pic...

i noe it's a new beginning of my life...

before...

i hear someone to say...

how long u 2gether wif him...

then u need how long the time to let it go...

i like this phrase...

it's true...or...it also can say...is the ''guanyin'' hear what i wish infront her...

i wish ''my family is keeping safety..n heathly..n i hope i can try my best to forget it..''

izit i gotta do it?

but..i noe..it just a beginning...

haven't end...bcoz...

when i talking about him with my best franz...

i still feel hurt...

but...the hurt feel is no heavy then be4 already...

bcoz...no one noe what i thinkng about ..

include my family...

just is her n yin erh can noe what i should do...

what i thinking about...

what is my feeling...

watever...they just gv me the support...

i felt so happy...i have this two franz...

may b i need to say thank you to the ppl that hurt me...

he is gv me a chance to grow up...

now..i gotta b...not children anymore...

i noe...my look...my heigh...is just like a child...

but i noe i'm mature...

i have change bcoz of him...thx very much...

my franz is asking me...

''do u angry him?''

i say:''no...''

franz:''why? he is hurt u..why u still think he still is ur franz..''

i say:''it's ok...just think it is a chance...to myself to grow up...''

i'm not good...but...i dun wan to love..or hate this ppl...

bcoz he is no relation to me...

no franz...no lover...just a strangers...

so...dun mind it..juz let him get away from my world...

i....

dun wan my franz to b a second stupid JS ...

i hope they have happiness...n together with their lover forever...

if that...i will feel so happy..

i can without anything...but i can't without my family n my best franz...

bcoz...i really love them...

so now...just trying to get my dream come true...

i will try all my best to it...

wished myself good luck~~

i think i'm the bad for someone...think to say sorry...to him...

i'm sorry...

really felt so sorry for you...

i noe ..or may b..you got to see this post...

i just gotta say sorry to you..

do you accept it?

i feel so sorry...because...

i feel...i treat you no good...

i noe..u think can be the one on my mind...

sometimes...when i'm think to crying..

i wish u can rite beside me...

and borrow your shoulders to me...

i'm noe i'm bad...

cause my world just have him...

actually..i feel so lucky...i noe you...

you really treat me so good...

u r a 100%good boyfriends..

but i'm not the 100% good girl friends..

i just bring the sadness n unhappy to you...

i leave you when i have other lover...

i'm so sorry about that...

untill now...i also can't forgive myself ...

you are good ..you knew it?

be4...when i'm hungry...you come to accompany i eating..

buy the thing that i wan to eat...

i just always to required you do more better...

more good...

i just keeping do like this...

no think and no care about you...

when u late ...i angry you...

but,it's really is your fault...

because..you always need i waitng you...

i hate alone...

when i together with you..

i keeping think you do better just like the wen hao...

if u did like him...may b i won't leave you...

之前是这么想...

but now...i dun wan u be him...

just b yourself...but..i hope u can b mature..

actually...everytime i together with you...

i really felt so happy...

u will pay all the attention to me...

remember what i like to eat...

what i like to drink...

what kind music i like to hear...

and always listen my complain...

you really is a good man...

now i believe the retribution...

now i noe ..when i leave you...

your heart got how pain...i really noe that now...

i'm sorry...

but why...whatever how i hurt you...

u still keeping waiting me??

isn't means the love?

i always say...pls dun love me...

pls give up for me..

actually..i'm not think like this...

i hope myself have one day...

i can love you again...cause u really too good...

but i can't b selfish...

i hope u can get the happiness...

so...i hope you to forget me...

pls....

sorry that i hurt you...wen...

the day that no unhappy..izit a good beginning?

this is the first day...that i no feel unhappy at this day...

but...i have more thinking...

thinking about him...n review the old memories again..

i noe...is i no accept the true thats he no love me anymore..

because...for me...he is a wonderful boy...

watever he treat how bad...he still wonderful...

i'm idiot...so i will think like that..

actually..i should noe...he not really love me...

if he really love me..he is not easily to fall in love with other girls..

but i need thanks to him...

he let me growth...and learn something..

thats is..mature...

i need mature...n dun easily to tust ppl..

watever how much i love him...he won't come bck...

may be one day..he will regret...

but it will b too late...

 i'm not bad than that girls..

ya! she love you...but u noe i love you also?

she sad..you feel hurt?

then how about me? you ever try to feel sad because of me..

thats means..u ever love me...u just ''like'' me..

so now..i won't easily to trust any man that they talk to me..

i need b stronger...need b mature..

need b rich...need to forget all about you...

and now...i will get bck the memories for you!

without you...i also can live better..so just get away from my world...pls!

today..we go the geylang eat dim sum...

lol...long time no enjoyed the dim sum already...

it's damn nice...hahaha..there have many food that ipoh dun have...

more nice then ipoh...

here is the picture of the dim sum...XD...

this shop is working 24 hour one..so..if u suddenly want eat dim sum..

haha...you can come here...and try it...

 it have separate many section...so..i chose the HK section..XD...

so special...wow...

 known what izit?? haha..it is lime juice la..whole make one..

but it so sour...><...actually it nice also...hahaha...

 this is porrodge...皮蛋porridge...haha..damn nice...

no sticky...and it's really very yummy~~^^

 this is 罗米鸡...no nice...==...hahaha...

may b is i dun like the taste of it...lol

 this is feet chicken..haha...hoishi neh~~~^^

love it................^3^...

this 排骨有够滑的...而且用秘方自家腌制的...

damn nice....^^

 this is紫菜卷...i love it very much...^^

 hahahaha...and this is the picture that i finished the food...

hahaha..damn happy today...

happy can make me forget about him...

so i choose to happy everyday!

js choong! gambateh!

what can i do?

ding...

i always tell myself...

i wanna be strong...

i wanna be mature...

i'm not lonely at all...but...it's all is just a reason...

i can't do it all...i dunno why...when i see their sweet pic..

just have a feel think to crying..

izit i'm still love him?

he is no good...why i still missing him?? 

why i still moody because of him?

i dun wan control by him..

so thats why i say...

sometimes or something..if i can keep the attitude (i dun noe)..

thats more better..haizz...

faint ar...

i just try my best to forget..

the memory is pass..not sweet memory anymore..

sometimes..got ppl asked me..

why you keeping look the sky?

i just keep smile...and say nothing...

the moon and the star is beauty...

and they are the lighter in my life..

it just like...erm..

they look like known what i thinking about..

known what feeling i have now...

and always support me..

so i feel so relax...when i look at the sky...

i noe that...without him...i also can live better..

but...why my heart still pain...and feel so hurt?

isn't means the love?

this is the first time i got a feel like this...

but...actually...from the time that he delete me at the fb franz list..

he is not my franz anymore...

so i decided...i wan my dream come true..

i wanna b more better than now..

watever...just alone...i also want to make my life b wonderful..

i hope i really can do this...

so...from now...keeping talking with myself...

Js choong! gambateh neh!

when the time i feel sadness..

my mind was thinking about my franz..

because..be4 we gradurated..when i'm in sad...

they always support me..

and say...don't cry baby...

thats have many funny memory in the high school life's..

i love u all franz..really loving u all..

and my family...damn missing...

when i can go bck and see you?

i'm feel so alone and useless at here..

need some support..when i'm sad..

i can't tell my family what making me feel sad..

haiz...T^T

so..i just need some support..

选择不再哭泣``不知道能否做到...

有些事...真的...不属于你的始终不是你的...

执著只会让自己伤了心...

所以我想从中解脱...所以我经常望向天空...

那样会让我的心情变得很不一样...

我发现..脑袋不浮现他的样子..

心就不会疼了..

我对自己说过..要忘记..要放弃..

我想做到对自己的承诺..

我不懂我的天空会不象晚上的天空一样黑..

即使是那样..我想在自己的生活里..

为自己创造出更多更多的火花..

我真的对男人感到很失望..

他让我觉得男人...只能限制在朋友的圈子里...

若有人想要再进一步...酒会让我感到优点反感...

除了某个人...因为..我知道..他是真的关心我...

可是，很对不起，我暂时不会再接受任何人..

如果你愿意等，你可以等下去，如果不能，那我劝你就现在放弃...

我的开心是由我自己主宰的..我不想再被男人玩弄在股掌里了..

每个人都觉得我很笨..什么都依靠别人...

其实我并不是笨..只是有时想找人依靠依靠..让我依赖下..

当我一个人时..我并不是那么愚蠢的...

我可以自己一个人生活...一个人独立...

并不需要依靠男人...

即使这现实的社会会有多难熬...多困难...我也会一个人坚持下去..

我不会一层不变...

有很多人说羡慕我...可是他们并不知道我的痛苦...

事情不是想像中容易..每件事情..都要自己处理..

遇到困难都自己一个人熬..我并不后悔..

因为，这路是我选的..

我说过的东西..一定！会自己实现..

为自己而活，而不是为了别人..

我希望，我能放下所有..

放下一切不开心的事情..让自己活得有意思..

我真的很希望能给我家人最好的生活..

很多人觉得我就象个小孩，可是，我只是外表是个小孩..

我内心并不是..

我也很少在别人面前发脾气，也可以说极少..

除非我已经忍无可忍了..所以一激发我，就很难收拾了..

那时要很久或是可能恨对方一辈子..

这就是我的脾性..但，很少人发掘到真正的我..

因为，我总是嬉皮笑脸的..

心情不好，我就不爱说话，甚至笑不出来..

真正明白我的真的很少...

下个月即将去包报读英文课程，虽然现在的我..

是可以说几句，可是有时别人说的英文还是很不懂..

所以还是得进修进修..

而且外形也要有所改变才行..

一是不做不改，不然就要做到最好改到最棒..

这就是我的目标...

就让我的爱情冬眠去...希望它醒来时能遇到真爱...

--------end---------

把心里的那个人放弃...

有一个人   你会很想每晚对他说‘ 晚安 ’。
有 一个人 他不会主动和你聊天 但你会忍不住想和他聊天

有一个人 你一上线就会去看他在不在.
不在就一阵失落 在 又不敢打扰他.

有一个人 他的状态签名只要一换你立刻胡思乱想 揣测不安

有一个人 你在线只是在等他]而他的头像却不会在你的qq里抖动

有一个人 你总是忍不住去看他的空间
即使他什么新鲜事 都没有。

有一个人 你会看他的最近来访和留言
然后又胡思乱想 揣测不安

有一 个人 你一直在等他
他却忘记了你

有一个人 你真的好爱他
可是仔细一想 你爱他什么。
爱 他的坏？



有一个人 你以为他是你的永远
但是他却告诉你 你只是他的过客

有 一个人 你真的可以对他无条件付出
他却不稀罕 对他来说 你只是负担~

有一个人 你那么那么舍不得
他 却那么随意 洒脱 不在乎



有一个人 教会你怎么去爱了
但是 他却不爱你了

有 一个人 你总说要放下他
却总是忍不住又拿回来回味

有一个人 你真的好想他快乐
所以你宁愿自己 不快乐

有一个人 离开他的时候你笑了
但是一转身 早已泪流满面

有一个人 你好想大声告诉他
我真的好后悔爱上你了
因为 你发现 你真的 是真的爱他
但是他不爱你了 这就是事实


那 个骄傲的你去哪里了？

我又心疼了...再依次的...让自己受伤了...

我其实还很爱那个他....
忍不住去偷看他的状态...
我一直欺骗着自己吗??
心疼了...工作...
没心情了....我没想过和他的关系...
可以变得那么的恶劣...多么的想...
依然是朋友...但，他却是我最熟悉的陌生人...
他真的和那个女孩...在一块了...
其实是预料中的事情....
看到时...眼泪不停的往下流....
明明知道....哭...改变不了事实...
可是眼泪依然不听使唤的掉下来了....

我的状态....只是想记载自己的每个心情....
没有说要让任何人知道...
可是你却说我打扰你的生活...还把我从朋友列表里删掉了...
你真的不懂我多心疼...
我不懂自己为什么可以那么的爱你....
从以前...就没心要伤害你....
也不是我不要你....我已经做了很多很多次的挽回了...
你不知道...我是用尽我的力气...去挽回...
可我得到的...就是...我们做回朋友吧...
要不是就是连信息也没回了....

从没预料到....会有将的后果....
分手以后...一直去浏览你的状态....
想知道你的境况...想知道你的一点一滴....
我一直很期盼...有那么一个字是关于我...
可是...
我承认....我很希望你能回来爱我...
可是...我也知道很不可能...
因为...我不是最好的...即使我多么的爱你...

也许对你来说...过去=过去....
可对我来说...过去=我的回忆...
我曾经有那么一段时间...很憎恨你...
真的很想当面...问清楚...你是否曾经真的爱过我...
拿成绩那天...
看见你....我头也抬不高...
不敢正视你...只能凝望你的背影....
其实心在疼....也在强忍泪水...
看见你...就联想得到...你和她一起的画面...
很心疼...
看电影...不能牵着你的大手掌....
你身上的味道...我依然很记得....
那时我很爱的味道...那是你沐浴露的香味....
想念那个曾经亲过的嘴唇....
可...一切已不再属于我...

我真的很妒忌那个让你深爱的女孩...
真的很妒忌....
因为...她拥有了所有我最想要的东西...
其实我付出的眼泪与真心...比她多几倍...
可是...你却眼尾也不看我一眼....
脑袋依然积存了...磨灭不了的细节....
记得你爱吃的...不爱吃的...
喜欢喝的...喜欢做的东西...
喜欢说的词语...你说过的笑话...
你笑的表情...你驾车的模样...装cool的傻样...
依然很深刻...我很想把这些画面都delete掉...
可是我却做不到....

直到现在...我挂念的...依然是你....
不想在fb让你看到我写的东西...
因为那样会加深你对我的憎恨...所以都写在blog里...
我只想当个你身边的隐形人...
你为她做的...都让我心疼...甚至让我睡不着觉...
所以让我选择离开那个伤心的地方来到了这里...
而且用''繁忙的生活''来麻醉自己...欺骗自己...
因为那样...我就不会想起让我心疼的你
经常告诉自己...没了你...我也可以活很好...
可是每当我空闲时....那些画面会自动的浮现....
也许她是个很好的女生...
而我这个人...根本不配拥有你....
希望那女孩可以给你要的幸福....
只要你开心...我再心疼也无所谓....
祝你幸福...

my working life is beginning...

心情紧张的一天...怕工作会胜任不了...
可那天妈妈拨了一通电话来...^^...开心开心...
看得出...他们真的很担心我也很关心我...
突然由衷感觉...自己很对不起他们的感觉...
家人真的是好的没话说...只有一个字形容！就是''赞''~~~
以前那个叛逆的我...真的是很伤他们的心....
我说的每个谎言...是给了他们多大的伤害...
他们对我是很严厉...可是我明白...this is all for my own good~~~
这句话我明白~~这世上没有一个父母是不疼爱自己的孩子的~~
以前的我...总是说想赶快离开那个我所谓很''恐怖''的家...
我彻底的知道...我错得那么的离谱...
可他们却没和我计较些什么...
依然选择相信我...直到现在...
也给于我最大的支持...鼓励...和关怀~~~
多么的想...对我爸妈说...''对不起...但我爱你们...''
可是那么肉麻的话...说不出口啊~~~哈哈哈哈~~~
但这一切~~我已紧紧的放在心上了~~
我现在 真的很想给你们享受好的~~
不想你们那么辛苦 ....不是看你们不起...
是心疼了...看到你们的白发...证明了岁月真的不留人...
我要replace...以前不孝的我所做的一切...
每次听了你们的电话我都很想哭~~
因为...我真的很想念你们...真的真的很想你们...
很久没听到你们的声音了...很挂念...
多么想你们多骂我一些...哈哈哈...有点傻了...
放心~~我会成熟....我会用心的工作~~
赚钱去实现我对你们的承诺~~
我要和啊姐买一个新房子给你们住~~~
你们是我的精神支柱啊~~
要为我加油哦~~~^.<~~哈哈哈哈~~
这工作的确是有点辛苦...并不是我想像中的容易啊~~
可是我愿最大的不利去做的更好~~
我还要去实现我的''吉他之旅''~~

男人...除了自己人...还有kee jing和小文...
其他的...我都不会信了...
其实我很感动某人为我做的一切...
对我不离不弃...总在我不开心的时候出现...
听我倾诉所有的不满和伤心....
总是想办法让我开心...总是为我担心所有的事...
多么想我一直深爱的是他...
可我却瞎了....爱上一个混蛋...
我很想自己可以再次爱上你~~
是说真的~~最近老是无故的想起我们以前的画面~~
那时突然由衷很想岁你说我爱你的感觉~~
也许你只差那几步了...哈哈哈~~

#我不接受你...是因为怕给到你伤害了...
我想有一天...我是真心的对你说出那三个字~~
而不是让你代替某人...而让我随意说处那三个字来敷衍你啊~笨蛋！！
你听到了吗???