开心的日子又来临了...拿薪水的日子...
hohohoho...
每当拿到那张写着我名字和那价钱的钞票时就觉得心里很舒服...
辛苦赚来的钱....慢慢的累积得越来越多...
接下来...目标将是我的iphone4S...不懂买不买到...
其实很不舍得买一个那么贵的手机...可是...要是不买..
要买就买新的好的够in的...衷心希望我能得到你啦...


最近恋爱了...很开心...
第一次对家人亲戚公开了我的恋情...
可是...当中也隐瞒了些很重要的事...
他真的对我很好...很好很好...
说不完的好...在我生病时...特地从工作的地方赶来买药给我吃...
其实我也只是普通的咳嗽...他却那么的紧张...
我真的感到很开心...很开心...
经常提醒我记得吃药...我从不觉得很烦...
我反而觉得很窝心...我回答很多次的''是,我知道了''
不是嫌他烦...而是想确定的告诉他...我真的了解了...
我发现自己越来越在乎他说的每句话...
在意他的每个细节...


我个人记性不是特别好...甚至笨的可以...
我是个超级没有安全感的人...我很怕...
有一天,我连他也吓跑了...因为我不是他表面看的那么单纯...
我很烦人....即使 ...这一刻你安抚了我...
可是那感觉不到安全的心让我的脑袋乱想了...
有时候,并不是不相信...而是我受过伤的心...有很大的阴影...
带给我很多的顾虑...甚至看过他与她的点滴...
我更觉得他真的很爱她...我与她相比起来...根本微不足道...
我很想在被伤前...离开...
可是,我不舍得....真的...不舍得...
我不懂什么时候开始...我那么想维持我们的关系...


那天,我看了某个片段以后...
心里超级难受....很难呼吸...心又疼了...眼泪又掉了...
他拨电来...我很不想接那电话...我怕被他听见我哭泣的声音...
最终,我还是把接了...故作镇定地说话...
但,说的每句话...都冷冷的...他也开始觉得我古怪了...
问我发生什么事...我却只冷冷的回答说...没事...
最终他偶尔听见我的哭声...问我是不是在哭...
我依然说没有...还叫他去工作...
到最后把电话挂了...我哭得不像人...
那一刻....我发了个简讯给他说不要对我那么好...
我很坏吧???为了不要伤害自己...没有想过他会否开心...
过后听了他的解释...我却觉得这一切不重要了...
他心里真正爱谁不重要了...我只想就这样...一直待在他身边...


很想告诉他不要太在意自己的身材...
自己的样貌...自己的身高...自己的钱财...
对我来说...那一切不重要...
我很想很想告诉他说...即使你是个胖子...
我对你有feel就是有feel...感觉不会骗人...
即使你长得丑长得象我一样的身高...
我看上你就是看上你了...不需特别的理由...别经常问我为什么我会看上你...
接着又说些糟蹋自己的话...我不喜欢听...
我个人觉得你很帅...身材ok...身高也很ok...
不要再介意自己没有175cm什么的...==...
最后我只想和他说''我爱你了!!!'''


今天也给爸爸妈妈打了个电话...
我已经预料会被查问了...所以没有特别惊讶什么的...
就一个又一个的回答他们的问题...
接着又说他们的工作情况啦...姐姐读书读得怎么样了...
弟弟考试考怎样...大姐生意变怎样的问题...
来来去去都是这些问题...开始连我自己也觉得自己无趣了...
所以很难怪他们那么害怕听见我的来电==...
真是可怜的我啊....T^T...


突然很挂住包包~~~很久没看见她了...不懂过的好不好...
希望一切安好啦...
上次她还share了一个说''老了也要一起喝茶谈靓仔谈偶像''的post...
我看了我笑了笑...她没有把我这死党给忘记...
我真的很开心很开心...不愧我想些特别的东西帮她庆生...
哈哈...包包...期待你的生日吧...04日12月...
今年没得给你送上礼物是我的遗憾...
我会把它补回的~~~放心~~我爱你~~~!!!朋友~~~!!!^^


P/s:有时候,你越想得到越得不到...希望越大失望越大...一切顺其自然...

很久没有上来renew我的blog了...
不是很忙...而是很懒惰...
recently..也发生了很多很多的事情...
最近的我变得开心了...因为一个人...
因为他...我每天都笑得很开心...
因为他...我第一次和一个人从夜晚聊到天亮...
因为他...我变得特别听话..
因为他...我变得每天都向看见他...
可是,我和他是不可能的...
我觉得自己变得很奇怪...真喜欢的上他了吗??
我不想要那样...我经常告诉她不要对我那么好..
否则,我真的会把对某人的感情寄托在他身上..
他二十七岁,大我9年...年龄对我来说没有关系..
我不介意...可是..他...有老婆了...
不过他们之间在认识我以前...已经出了问题...
我怕他们会因为我的出现...而变得更不可收拾...
那样...我和第三者有什么分别...??


今天...在FB add了他...
看了他的FB album..也看到了很多...
他与他老婆的照片...他很爱她 ...
可是因为某些因素..让他心痛了...他还说...可能离婚...
而我...真的没有想过...要破坏什么...
我只想...在他不开心时在他身边当个小丑...
逗他笑...逗他开心...
我不会哄人...也不懂如何提供一些如何解决它心里疑问 的建议..
我只能当个听众...静静的听他心里的投诉...
我...是怎么了??真的喜欢上他了..??


他说喜欢和我聊天...每次和我聊天都觉得特别的开心...
他是个口花花的人...喜欢说话挑逗别人...
而我就会叫他''吃大便啦..''/''去死吧==..''/
喜欢骂他...可是越骂他越喜欢整我..
上次还突然把我整个人抱起说要丢进蓄水池...(真的差点掉下去了..)
每次看见我冷得缩起来就会把外套脱下帮我披上..
他的动作..他的话...在每一天睡醒以后...就像一场梦..
但是,脑袋却牢牢地记住了他的话..他的笑..他的对我作的每个动作...


不懂怎么的就是对他很在乎...
ex:他说好会给我打电话,可是等了十分钟还没有收到他的来电...
     心里会有点酸酸的...
我经常告诉自己要控制自己...不可喜欢上他...
更不可爱上他...一天还没离婚他也不会是你的谁谁谁...
不要妄想...爱情是让我受伤害的东西...必须远离他..
不懂怎么总是莫名想听见他的声音...
总是莫名想知道他的心情..总是莫名的想见他...
也许我真的把他当成某某了...我必须清醒过来...


最近,有点失望...打回家...却感觉没人要与我说话...
除了我爸爸...大姐姐...除了钱...狗...依然是这两个话题...
妈妈...弟弟...好像慢慢的他们变得没什么话和我说了...
是开始嫌我烦人了吗..??
不要那样嘛...我久久才打回家一次...就和我聊聊又不费你们多少时间...
我会感到孤独...压力的时候...我希望有你们的支持...
我才有那个力量去支撑...我学会了对你们隐瞒...
隐瞒我的不开心...隐瞒我的不愉快...
不是我不相信你们...而是我不想妈妈夹在我与阿姨的之间...难做人...
所以我选择学习忍耐...


除此之外,真的很希望自己能被学校选上...
我真的很希望实现自己的梦想...
去帮助更多不幸的病人,让他们有得到适当的照顾...
如果我可以很努力很努力的话...我希望能到那些落后的国家去...
体验一下当地生活...说出去...别人可能觉得会很假 ...
可是我真的有那个热心去做的...如果有机会的话啦...
我不想自己的一生的时间...就这样盲目目标,志气的就画上了''。''...
衷心希望自己能当一个出色的护士...


p/S:we could all take a lesson from the wheather. It pays no attention to criticism.

-chinese mode-
昨天并不特别...可是心情特好...
给妈妈打了个电话...很喜欢听到她 的声音哦~
很想她....真的很想很想....
妈...对不起...有时候我在这边发生了很多事...
也不能告诉你...因为我想学会承受..
而不是一直只懂缠着你的小女孩...


so..........
因为你,我无所谓...
即使受过无尽的冷言嘲语...
再难听的话我也受下来了...
因为你,我忍耐...
如果换成以前的我...一定不会留情面的顶回他..
而不是半句话也不说...


我自己的性格我自己懂..
你好声好气的告诉我...我一定会听着做...
所以我是个..''你用什么态度对我..我就用怎样的态度去对你..''的人..
so that,请不要骚扰我..拜托


有人告诉我说...人不能一直回头看...
否则会错过很多东西...是这样吗??
可是...我真的很怀念以前在学校和朋友一起的画面...
一滴一滴的撒在我的心里...
画面一页一页的揭开着...
朋友阿...我真的很想你们...我也很记得在我走的那一天...
你们带着不舍得的眼神送我...
我依然记得得很清楚...你们永远是我最棒的好朋友!!


最近认识了一位同乡...又是个男的~~==lol...
never mind啦~~我已经习惯了~~
有时候觉得和男生聊天还比较快乐~~
年纪比我大...长得不是也别帅...
穿衣服很smart咯...^^
感觉还不错...也是个不错的朋友...
一直说些很搞笑的话题...笑得我肚子都翻了~~XD
不做作的一个男生...哈哈哈...
他让我觉得不孤单...觉得很开心...
是不是bercham的人和我的channel才比较对叻??
@.@....
但,很期待休息那一天...希望因为这位朋友我可以快快乐乐的...


今天回想了很多很多的画面...
在我人生里出现的人物...现在才觉得每个人都变了...
<<人生中出现的人物...>>
-爸爸
-妈妈
-大姐
-大姐男友
-二姐
-弟弟
-包包(5R)
-阿米(5R)
-燕霖(5R)
-雪恩(同班5年的朋友)
-elaine(同班5年的朋友)
-凤仪(5R)
-嘉欣(5R)
-淑惠(5R)
-美琪(5R)
-miao miao(5R)
-欣华(5R)
-惠倩(5R)
-俊贤(X BF)
-碧莹(form 1同班同学)
-国威(B.Y 朋友)
-子贤(干弟弟)
-子良(X BF)
-小文(X BF)
-kee jing(5R)
-wen hao(5R..X BF)
-俊伟(5R)
-瑞伟(5R)
-伯南(5R)
-洁莹(5R)
-小佩(form 2同班同学)
-紫莹(小学同学..from3同班)
-haziq(5R)
-洁琳(5R)
-惠婷(form3同班)
-玉婷(form2的好友)
-顺荣(form3同班)
-阿胡(form2,3同班)
-阿明(form2,3同班)
-阿顺(taka)
-jason(taka,manager)
-kathleen(taka)
-karen(taka)
-阿仪(taka)
-阿潘(taka)
-美珊(taka)
-kimi(taka)
-US dollar(taka)
-肥佬(taka)
-阿合(taka)
-师傅(taka)
-阿添(taka)
-阿聪(taka)
-阿琪(taka)
-Ai leng(taka)
-安仔(taka)
//////等等等等.......//////


我很想说一句...''人生无常''....

already in a bad mood in few days..

why??

because the boss that i working for him...

he is damn noob!!

whatever i do...i try my hard to do...that also is wrong..

always give me the bad comment behide me..

whats la?? what you want to say..just tell me la!..

fxxking you!! o0o..!

i'm not means i really din do wrong...

but can u be more seriously??

settle the matter as clarity...you haven't survey the matter as clear..

then you say i'm wrong...and scold me..

after you know the truth..also din say one word of ''sorry''..

never mind...whatever u din say sorry...can u treat me be normal??

i know u are boss!you more biggest in your store..

but..! do u know how to respect me..??!!

fine!!! i decided to leave after 2 year as originally..

but now!!! but now!! i tell u!

if not because the money..!! i won't stay here!!

so..! i will resign the job after march!!then u will not see me again!

congratz!!

i will alwayz remember that..how u treat me...

how u gossip about me..and what u done for me...thanks a lot!

this is the second time..i feel damn angry for it..

my patience has been taxed to the limit...

it's really beh tahan jorr...

no matter my mum say...dun write any bad thing of them in my blog...

i'm sorry mum...i'm really can't key the promise for you...

because...if i dun release the feelings out...i'm gonna be crazy soon..

just a little matter then say me done it not good...

well!! if u sibeh clever then u do urself la...

ya...i know ! my math is poor...need use the calculator!!

but that not means i'm the idiot...i'm just used to be use the calculator!!

i'm the account class before..teacher just teach me use the calculator..

she din teach me need use the brain or finger count the question..

what the fxxk of mind u have..?? know english then means u are great??

i also know ennglish need i write to you!!?

'''ENGLISH'''...!! nah!! see la..

know how to spelling?? want i spell to you ??

it's not means u are the singaporian then u can always held in contempt...

pls learn to respect people...

>>>>calling to baobao...

i think to call baobao today...i think today sunday she will free...

but...opposite...==...she was busy there...scared dou...

she say busy..then i answer her i call her next time..

haizzz...just think to chat with her also so hard...why harr??

she say i can call her or contact her at her FB when i'm feel lonely..

and feel in trouble...but...wheres the promise ??

this is the wrold la...everyone was busy...not include me...

so...i tell myself...''never mind la..settle by urself..''

dun try to depending on others people...tyr your own Js...

>>>>>>calling to my mum...

she pick up the phone...still working..but almost finished..

so now...my mum is the only one that i can tell anything to her..

she was more experience than me...

sometimes,she can gv me the availd suggestion..i love you alwayzzzzz..mummy..

Sometimes i won't tell my parents..the problem of finance i have..

this month i only have $200 more to use...
other...i already change to the malaysia money..

ready send it back home..save it and give my parents...

i din tell them not i dun let them know...just i scared they will worry for me..

i dun wan like that..i just wanna u all be happy alwayz..

then i will feel content...

P/S:i wanna keep in this attitude then i baru can keep happy in my life...

      i can't see anything....

      i can't hear anything...

      so...anything i also dun know...

      this was Js attitude...keep it alwayzz!!!

7th Okt 2011...
the distance of the date i'm back ipoh are coming soon...
argh...suddenly feel so nervous...
izit my classmate still remember me..??
Choong Chooi Ken...this name still in ur mind..??
wished u all won't forget me...pray~


i gv my takahashi friends a call yesterday...
i gotta know that..shifu leave ''taka'' and open his own restaurant..
congratzz yup!! this saturday...is his opening day...
so sorry because can't sent u a opening business present...
but i sent u my wishing here...^^
wished u ''生意兴隆''....''生意滚滚来来来..''
when i back ipoh..sure will go there and support you yup!^^
gambateh...~~


feel so paiseh today...
i have a customer talking english to me...
but..i'm so brave...i answer her by english too...
luckily she know chinese too...she come from the idonesia...
is a friendly gals...^^
then my language is..''campur-campur''
english+mandarin...@.@..damn poor...
i tell her...i'm very jealous she can speak the english as well..
she say that i can do it too...if i really do that..
sure i have to learn...but nobody teach me what...
so i think i better go to have english course..==
but now,i'm damn busy for the jobs...
can't get it as the temporary....feel dissapoint..
but..i swear from here...i will realize my dream as slowly..
whatever 2 years...3 years...or 4years..or more..
i believe that...i choose to believe i can do it!!
whatever...no want will support me...
no one will agree the way i do...but i strenght for it..
because just the way Js are..^^


izit i really have a shadow for the love..??
already no confidence for it..??
already feel scared for it..??
scaring..the same else will happen to me...??
scaring the man i love lies me and leave me again..??
actually...i have think before...izit i accept others boys..
then i can forgot the memory happen before..
but...feeling is can't lies..my deeply heart just can hide one man i love..
no places to place other people...
other boy tell me he love me..
but i just feeling so disgusting...no feeling love...
they just can make me feel they are great..
think to learn them...but...
izit i have do something let them mistaking me??
i just wanna be a normal friends with ur guys...pls and pls and pls...
stop chasing me what...it just will make me feel afraid...
pls stop it...


leave my home already 6 months ago...
damn missing my warmth bed...my teddy bear..
i really hope all of this nothing are changes...no matter..
people say i'm childish...i really wish like that...
but...not at all what...everyone is changes...
include my lovely friends...my dear classmate..my dear parents..
all of them and me is change...
can i rearranged all of this..??
if i have a choice..i still will choose my mum be my mother...
choose my dear baba be my daddy...
choose the same class 4/5R...choose sitting beside the bao bao..
i love u all...!!

i gotta feeling...at todays...

i feel...sometimes...not u just try hard get it...

then u can get it...this world din have the miracle...

all should be strive for victory by ourself...no one can help...

i got a off day yesterday...went to JB with john...

1st time to get there...damn excited...

we buy the ticket to went there...need $2.40...@.@lol..

expensive!!!! but...never mind la...happy then okay...XD

long time din sing K...

then i suggest john go to singing K together...

he keep praise me whole day...hahhaaha...

i love this feel...cause...have someone can see my good...

he praise my voice is nice...

praise my english is good...

praise i know many langauge...

damn happy....soO that...we gonna crazyat the K room by 2 pax only..

damn syok!!! have a long time din feel the crazy feel...

i really love that...already release the stress i have in this few months!!

so cheap only...only RM46...hahahaha..

save more what...but...no need i paid..XP...

gentlement paid...actually i say i pay...but he dun want...

thats good...then i can save the money...XD

after sing K time...we went to the Kenny Rogers Roaster having our dinner...

because he din eat before...so i bring him to have some special thing...

but after he having that...he say nothing i special what...==...zha dou..

bring him go to try also many comment...lol...!!

we gonna take the ordered....

1.half meal...

2.caesar salad..

3.chicken thai cheese spagheti...

4. 2 coke lights..

total fees:RM76 more...walao...=3=...expensive..

no i paid too..it's ok..hahahaha...

after that we chating a while then back home...

when i reach home...the 1st thing i do ...

that is...give my parents a call...damn sweet babe...

i love to heard they voice...feeling warmness..

baba say he old already...but i praise him...

whatever how old are u...also more handsome than andy lau...

hahahaha...then he keep laughing...

mama say baba buy handphone for her...

and my sis...

then i ask for the handphone from my baba...

he say i know i earn money already...no need ...==

too''big small eyes''...i'm his young daughter lerh...

treat me like this..not fare!!! T^T...

suddenly feel so faint for the future...

izit i really din suit to study???

everyone also say...i go learn a hand craft more good than study...

actually i feeling so sad to heard this from their mouth...

i hope they will support me...not only ask me to learn craft...

so dissapoint...actually ...whatever i really sucess to get the approve from the UM..

i also will decided to have a job to bring up my parents...

because...for me...nothing are important than my family...

but...i also won't give up to my dream...

i will try my best...to prove it i can do it!!!

P/S: i think to prove...in this world..no miracle...

       u just only can try ur own in ur life..!!

today...i have a friends chating woth me...

thats was my best friends in this world..

she was great...sometimes...i din say...

she just look like know what i thinkin about..

in my heart she was my angel...always appear when i have problem...

give me the warning and opinion on that else...thq so much..

may be you are right..everthing is past...we need work ahead...

not always look back the memory we have...

may be i should learn it...but...sometimes,feeling it's can't be lies...

but..i promise...i will try my own guys...i was key it...

i think i should have a fixed choice for my future...

the finance problem are coming across...

i have many worries...

1.the fees of my family...

2.my dream...it really will be come true..??

3.give up to my study?? keep on working??

4.my hp almost spoil...think to have a new one...

and blah blah blah....@.@

damn...!!suddenly gotta feel i have many thing to do...

i think to calling my sis to disscuss it(the problem)...

but she was damn busy for her homework...lol!!

then?? who can help me yea??@.@

already feel faint in this few problem ...

someone are telling me...the important of that diploma cert...

so he say i must be study...the money i save from now...

enough to my parents use in their living cost...

this matter won't be so easy what...

lol....i really think to be a nurse...sometimes i dream in the bed...

when i become a nurse i can help many patient...

can do the else that more meaningful in my life...

but now..........haizzzz...

izit my life be doomed to failure...??

why others can live without the problem??

it was the meaning of live?...what the fxxking life i have..o0o..!!

recently i love to view the odd video...
suddenly i gotta know...anything was impossible happen in this world...
the dead is only between the line of live and dead...


P/S: value highly one's time...because we are no enough time to do the rubbish..
       nobody we can trust..the one we can trust..that was...ourself...